"Cardinal Rule" No 6....... NEVER GIVE, OR SIGN
ANYTHING TO YOUR STBX IN ADVANCE

You know your STBX better than anyone. You know what's
important to her. You also know her weakness. Between now and
trial, you will find that your STBX is "her own favorite
charity." Her greed will soon become evident. Learn to
exploit that to your advantage. For now, find out
what she wants.

At this stage, your STBX's "wants" are potential
bargaining chips that can be exchanged later for things of
importance to you, like property division/alimony.

Above all, never give her your children. They are not
bargaining chips!! They are non-negotiable!! This is not open
for discussion!! Stick to your guns!!

1) NEVER give, nor agree to give, anything to your STBX
unless:
a) the judge orders it.
b) you get something of significance in return.
c) you get it in writing.
d) you get it from your attorney.

Remember at this stage, ANY converstion, agreement, or
discussion MUST go through your attorney. No matter how much
you hurt, never let your STBX back into your comfort zone.

2) Keep a list of everything you give to your STBX. Use items
on that list as bargaining chips later on.

During the course of your marriage, giving freely to your
wife was second nature. You never thought twice about it.
Today however, she is something other than your
"wife." Nevertheless, she still expects this
"arrangement" of giving to continue. Worse yet,
court professionals
think this way too. You've gotta be careful.

For example, if you give her "this" today, tomorrow
she'll ask for "that." She'll nickle and dime you
for every "little thing," one piece at a time.
It'll never end. Before you know it, she'll have all your
"bargaining chips" and you'll have nothing. BEWARE
of this trap. You need to terminate this practice
immediately. There's a time for property division. That time
isn't
now. NEVER GIVE YOUR STBX ANYTHING!! Stick to your guns.

Remember, bargaining chips are very important. Individually,
they may seem insignificant. Collectively however, and when
"cashed in" at the right time, they WILL make a
difference. If a bargaining chip has value for her, then it
CERTAINLY has "value" for you. Never forget that.

Nevertheless, "IF" you must give her anything, make
her sign a receipt for it. Think if it as an
"advance" in property settlement. Be sure to list
the item's "replacement cost." That receipt is now
a bona-fide "document." Use it later as a
bargaining chip when you divide community property. When the
time is right, you can make her pay dearly for all those
"little
things" she took in advance.

"Cardinal Rule" No 7....... YOU FILE FIRST!! This
is of the utmost importance.

For starters, you are forever the plaintiff and she's the
defendant. That's a good thing. You get the opening shot. You
design the playing field. You've got the momentum.

1) The secret is:
a) do not relent.
b) Maintain the upper hand.
c) Set the rules of the game.

Remember, there's no guarantee that you'll prevail on every
issue. But it's much better than starting the game on her
terms.

2) A good lawyer is essential.

3) It's extremely important to you know want and that you are
in a position to direct the outcome.

HOWEVER, file ONLY when you've got a solid game plan, and
ONLY when you're ready. In other words, you pick the fight,
when and where, on your terms. You want "home court
advantage."

Surprise is everything. If you catch her off-guard, your STBX
will be playing "catch-up" 'til trial, and beyond.
THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA!! If you're thoroughly prepared, and
follow-through on details, she'll never catch up.

Remember, if you get temporary custody at this stage, and if
you've done your homework, and if everything goes according
to plan, your chances for permanent custody are virtually
assured. All this of course, depends on your attorney, your
journal, the thoroughness of your strategy/game plan, and
your commitment to active case management. Meanwhile.....

Get complete information on your STBX and children: Full
names, aliases, maiden and nick names, other names used;
dates and places of birth/death; Social Security numbers;
Driver's License numbers; etc.

Get every document you can think of. Leave no stone unturned.
Some documents will be difficult, if not impossible to get.
If/when you get stuck, move on. Do your research well in
advance, BEFORE you separate. If you are thorough, you'll
reap huge dividends at trial.

Store ALL documents in a safe deposit box in your name only.
These include:

1) Tax returns for the last several years.
2) Marriage license; pre-nuptial agreement.
3) Documents from your STBX's previous marriage/divorce.
4) Birth/death certificates.
5) Passports, green cards, immigration documents.
6) DMV record(s); criminal history.
7) Thorough background check on your STBX. Hire a PI if
necessary.
School records; college/high school diploma(s);
transcript(s).
9) Medical and life insurance policies; will(s).
10) Deeds; titles; leases; contracts.
11) Bank statements; stocks, bonds and securities.
12) Retirement, pension, IRA, 401K, Keogh.
13) Credit report.
14) Family photos; heirlooms.
15) STASH YOUR CASH!!

Make sure you have passwords/access codes to ALL computers,
bank accounts, credit cards, etc. Try them out. Make sure
they work. Reset computer passwords with new software.

Get the following for your children:

1) Recent photos of your children, in clothes they typically
wear.
2) Documentation of their physical descriptions.
3) Social Security, Student Body, and State ID cards.
4) Medical history, related info, and documents.
5) Immunization records.
6) Health history and/or special needs.
7) History of behavioral issues.
History of prescription medication.

CONTACT INFO for STBX and children: friends; extended family;
service providers, doctors; school, counselors, day care; etc.
If your STBX runs off with your kids, you'll need to track
them down.

STBX's previous marriage and children:

1) Is she getting alimony and/or child support? How much?
Paid by who?
a) Can she get alimony re-instated from her previous ex?

2) What was the value of her property settlement? What did
she bring into your marriage?

3) Were any of her past debts serviced during the course of
your marriage?

Remember, issues like these can, and do make a difference in
property settlement. More importantly, this info might show
"bad faith" or "intent." In other words,
is your STBX is using marriage as a means of embezzlement or
early retirement? Are you her next target?

STBX's school & job info:

1) Level of education/continuing education.

2) Current level and duration of
employment/unemployment/underemployment/non-employment
status.
a) Salary history and benefits package.
b) Career path.
c) Job skills.
d) Anticipated raises and/or promotions.
e) Anticipated career/job change.

3) Document willingness, or lack thereof, to become employed,
better employed, or otherwise permanently self-sustaining.
a) You want to minimize potential alimony and child support
as much as possible.