A Little "End Of the World" Humor Never Hurts

[Logan]

I was not sure where this fits, but I could not resist the urge to pass on this little bit of humor.

Could this be an example of hiding a little truth in alot of crap? The agents in Men in Black said this is the best source of accurate intel. I am not convinced, but I did get a laugh. Enjoy.
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/politics/61688

[Logan]

Subject: Tips for a Gov't Approved
"Independence" Day.....
As we go out to celebrate our "freedom" this
4th of July, let's go over a few things to make
your celebration a success.

Tidy up you house before you leave in case it is
searched while you are out. You used to have the
right to freedom from search unless a search
warrant is issued. Now the police can come into
your home, and take whatever they want, and not
tell you until 2 weeks later, if they tell you at
all. They don't even have to knock on the door
before they barge in. (Whoops, wrong address)!

Do not claim that freedom of speech gives you
the right to wear a Tee-shirt that the
government doesn't like. They can put you in jail.

Don't use any illegal fireworks in your 4th
Celebration. It is for your own safety. And the
founding father's implemented a government to
protect you from yourselves. Didn't they? Besides,
fireworks are explosive devices and you might be
considered a terrorist with weapons of mass
destruction. And although the government can't
find any in Iraq, you can rest assured they will
find them in your car trunk. But don't worry,
getting arrested, imprisoned indefinitely without
formal charges, and a 5 year wait before the
secret tribunal trial per the Patriot Act is a
breeze. It's that secret summary execution that
should make you nervous.

Make sure you are buckled up in your seat belts,
there will be roadblocks and checkpoints to make
sure you comply. It is for the children. Have
your papers ready as you approach the holiday
police checkpoints.

Before leaving home make sure you check the color
coded Homeland Security alert status. Be
especially careful if it is orange or red. Don't
worry about yellow. It's always yellow.

If you are an airline employee, lighten up for
the holiday, you can always look for a job
tomorrow. Maybe you could transfer over to a
Federal Airport Security Screener job. Big demand
for those jobs and you don't have to be smart.

If you are a Haliburton employee, then celebrate:
You probably have a raise coming from the Iraqi
contract windfall.

If celebrating on any public property, make no
mention of religious ideals. Government is god
there. You will be apprehended.

Don't criticize the President, or other
government officials: you might be in violation
of the Patriot Act and considered a possible
*** TERRORIST *** (oh, oh, bet that triggered
Eschalon's main frame computer spy network)!

Don't mention the Constitution in any district
court, or you could be held in contempt.

If your children get out of line this holiday,
do not discipline them, or they may be
kidnapped by the Dept. of Social Services and
held hostage until you sign a confession,
receive approved psychological therapy, and if
you are lucky, get your kids back.

Show compassion this Independence Day by
bringing an illegal immigrant to your
celebration, or by hugging a tree.

If an election is occurring in your locality
within the next 90 days, do not talk about
or publicly support any candidate, as that
is no longer lawful. Keep your mouth shut.

If an officer asks to search your vehicle at
the "seat belt" or "sobriety" checks, do
not be belligerent and demand a search
warrant. Standing up for your fourth amendment
rights is anti-social and not in tune with the
new American way. Are you with Al Quaida or
something?

Do not get upset when the searching officer
will not help you pick up your belongings that
he has strewn all over the highway as he
searched your vehicle. It is not in his job
description and complaining will get you
charged with obstructing justice.

Keep your guns at home. You are not going
hunting and besides, what on earth do guns
have to do with American Independence? Better
yet, turn your guns into the authorities to
let them know that you are a true patriotic
American. You still have the right to carry a
gun if you have a license, but that will soon
be gone if the United Nations passes their
measure making carrying a gun illegal.

Better yet, just STAY at home. BUT do not
assume that you are safe, because you are at
home. If a government bureaucrat shows up at
your home, he will probably be flashing a
badge at you. This makes him look like a
constitutional law enforcement officer. He
may even be armed. Do not ask to see a
warrant, and then tell him to leave if he
does not have one. They will put a siege
around your house. If you do not come out
soon enough, they may invade, with guns
drawn, or even set your house on fire. For
more information, do a Google search using
keywords like:
"Symbionese Liberation Army"
"Philadelphia MOVE group"
"Gordon Kahl"
"The Order"
"Robert Matthews"
"Covenant of the Sword and Arm of the Lord"
"Randy Weaver"
"Branch Davidian"
"Elian Gonzalez"
"Red Beckman"

If you are counting on your congressman to
protect you, understand that the average
congressman is ALSO afraid to resist. For
more information, do a Google search using
keywords like:
"George Hanson"
"James Trafficant"
"Larry McDonald"

You used to have the right to privacy. Now
they have cameras everywhere watching you.
If celebrating at the mall you are probably
safe as the mall is now monitored by hundreds
of surveillance cameras, watched by federal
security forces. Don't do anything that you
wouldn't want them to see.

Bring lots of cash with you, there will be
many taxes, fines, and fees to pay as you
celebrate your freedoms this day.

Do not leave home without your driver's
license, social security card, birth
certificate, welfare card, Medicare card,
medical records, W-2 Form, and two other
forms of ID. You may be asked for them at
the police checkpoints. Better yet, get
micro-chipped, and avoid the hassle of
carrying around "your papers." Bring your
library card, the FBI may ask you for it.

Do not put any "anti-government" bumper
stickers on your car. Especially not
anything about the right to keep and bear
arms. Police have been trained by the FBI
in "bumper sticker profiling." This
attracts their attention at the check
points, and makes you look like a terrorist.

With regard to "bumper sticker profiling"
you should be especially aware of the fact
that "They will get my gun, when they pry it
from my cold dead fingers" is no longer mere
semantics. At WACO, and RUBY RIDGE, we learned
that they WILL kill you to take your guns.

ALSO, be careful not to have any unauthorized
THOUGHTS. There are now serious penalties for
"thought crime." Be aware that "civil forfeiture"
laws make it possible to take anything that you
own, by alleging that it was "intended" to be
used for the commission of a crime. This could
include transporting, or storing, a gun. If
"civil forfeiture" proceedings are initiated
against you, then you will have the burden of
proof, to show that your thoughts were in
compliance with government standards.

Get to know some politicians, and bureaucrats,
so that you might be able to head off the
taking of your private property to be given to
private developers for the "public good."
Subverting the intent of "Eminent Domain."

If traveling by air, this Independence Day, do
not give the airport screeners a hard time.
They are feeling you up, and molesting your
daughter, and wife, for the security of
America. If you complain you could be arrested.
You don't support Bin Laden do you?

Keep an eye on your fellow Americans as you
celebrate this "Independence" day. If you see
anything suspicious, take notes so that when
you get home you can call and report them to
the Homeland Security Office. And remember you
are not a nosy snitch, you are a great
"American Patriot."

Do not mention the signers of the Declaration
of Independence this 4th of July. Mentioning
these white subversive terrorists is not
popular and could get you in big trouble.
Besides what do these guys have to do with the
"4th of July" anyway?

Do not leave home without one or more little
plastic American flags made by political
slaves in Communist China. Make sure you have
one flying from the antennae of your vehicle.
You don't want to seem UN-American do you?


continued....

[Logan]

Do not take a copy of the Declaration of
Independence with you as it advocates the
overthrow of tyrannical government. It is a
terrorist document and will be confiscated at
the holiday police checkpoints. Same advice
for the Constitution. Yep, the one that George
Bush was quoted by (3) witnesses as saying,
“Stop throwing the Constitution in my face,”
“It’s just a god damned piece of paper!”

And remember, as you leave home for your 4th
of July outing, that the second you stepped
out of your door that you probably broke
hundreds of federal, state, and local laws
that you are probably unaware of. However, if
you tow the line, you will not be charged.

If arrested you used to have the right to a
jury trial, and to be told what you have done
wrong, and appointed council. Now you can be
labeled an "enemy combatant" or terrorist,
and be placed in jail with no trial, no
lawyer, nothing for as long as they want.

Don't even think about taxes on this great day.
The 50% of every dollar you earn the government
will confiscate at the threat of imprisonment
or at the point of a gun should not even cross
your mind as you revel in your freedom. After
all, April 15th is a long way off.

And whatever you do, do not let on that you
really know that true freedom died a long time
ago in America, just have fun for the day and
then go home and stick your head back in the
sand and pretend America is not becoming a
fascist police state with the largest prison
population in the WORLD!

If you have a few decades with nothing better
to do, study up on "administrative law." Laws
are now made by the unelected bureaucrats, in
hundreds of "administrative agencies." If you
are charged with violating one of these "laws"
you will not get a trial by a jury of your
peers. You will be tried by the agency that
made the "law" and made the charge against you.
If you appeal this "conviction," your appeal
will also be heard by the administrative agency
that "convicted" you. Their ruling will
probably be that they were right.

I hope this message gets past the Department of
Home land Insecurity approved Internet filter.
How else can they protect us from unauthorized
thought?

Now go out and celebrate your "freedom," and
have a great "Independence" Day!

==================================================

HOMELAND SECURITY ADVISORY:
This transmission screened prior to receipt by
addressee pursuant to applicable sections of the
USA PATRIOT ACT. The Patriot Act is
constitutionally illegal, but was signed into law
takes away your rights and turns them into
privileges, which the government can grant or take
away at will. If you remember, we were told that
this would just be temporary. Now it has been made
permanent. But few protested did they?

You used to have the rights to not be spied on by
anyone while on the phone or the Internet. You
also used to have the rights to your bank records
being held private. Now the government can just go
through your bank record data and monitor your
financial transactions without question and without
even telling you.

================================================== ==

None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who
falsely believe they are free.
Our forefathers are crying.
Our forefathers are angry.
Our forefathers are loading their muskets
and heading for The Green.
America......Wake up before it is too late!!!!!!!

There will be many people coming out to celebrate
this July 4th when they should be out protesting
the rights they have lost. We need to reclaim our
rights. And for those of you who say:
"Why should I care I have done nothing wrong."
This just shows how much you value your rights!
The government loves people like you. They can
take away even more of your rights and you will
just go along with them without speaking out.
You deserve to lose your rights because you
didn't appreciate them when you did have them.

"When a well-packaged web of lies has been sold
gradually to the masses over generations, the
truth will seem utterly preposterous and its
speaker a raving lunatic."

Now go out there and celebrate your freedom, and
liberty, and have a great sanitized, politically
correct, and government approved and authorized
"Independence" Day!