On the lighter side
I just got this emailed to me. Not meant to offend so please delete if you feel it is inappropriate but I like the last part. ( I actually fit 3 or 4 of these myself) I added my own editing at the end in ( )
Thank you for calling the Mental Health Institute.
If you have obsessive-compulsive disorder, keep pressing 1. (is that why we keep demanding verification)
If you are co-dependent, ask a loved one to press 2. (is this the problem with our relationship with BB)
If you have multiple personality disorder, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. (is this because of all those names we have - given, upper and lower case, ALL CAPS, etc)
If you are paranoid, we already know exactly who you are, we know
what you do, and we know what you want, so please wait while we track
the exact location from which you are making this call. (is it paranoia when they really are doing this)
If you suffer from hallucinations, press 7 on that giant multicolor
telephone that you (and only you) can see floating on your right. (maybe it's just the new color scheme on the forum)
If you suffer from schizophrenia, listen carefully and try to make
out, from the deafening welter of inner voices, the one that is
telling you which number you should press. (I think this is just us 2000 members all talking at the same time)
If you suffer from depression, it doesn't matter what number you
press. No matter what you try, you will never get out of that
listless apathy. (this is what a day in court can do to you)
If you suffer from amnesia, press 8 and keep saying out loud your
name, last name, address, telephone, date of birth, and marital
status. As long as you can hold on to these, you will never lose your
identity. (just don't give the info out to BB)
If you suffer from advanced indecision disorder, leave your message
just after the tone, or one second after the tone, or just before the
end of the tone, or during the tone. At any rate, wait for the tone.
(I couldn't decide what to write here)
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All of our
representatives are busy helping more important customers than you.
(sounds like a visit to the clerk of court office)
If your crisis has to do with the fact that you voted for John Kerry, George W
Bush, and so on, go #@%$ yourself. (they got that right)
We take care of lunatics here, not imbeciles.
Thank you
__________________
sadie
not legal advice - just my 2 cents (not lawful money)
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