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Old 07-04-2005, 08:15 PM
BoyntonStu BoyntonStu is offline
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Wink Dr. Laura Please Clarify

Dr. Laura Please Clarify
<http://www.joestump.net/104082458/dr-laura-please-clarify.html>http://www.joest\
ump.net/104082458/dr-laura-please-clarify.html

On her radio show recently, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an
observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The
following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US
resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as
informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. .... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Law and how to follow them.
* When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my
neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
* I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?
* I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is
in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem
is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
* Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male
and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
* I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2. The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am
I morally Obligated to kill him myself?
* A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?
* Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
* Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by
Lev.19:27. How should they die?
* I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
* My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to
death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
Considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D.
Professor Emeritus
Dept. of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
405 Emmet Street South
PO Box 400273
Charlottesville, VA 22904-4273
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  #2  
Old 07-04-2005, 09:56 PM
Heidi Guedel
 
Posts: n/a
Yeah Stu... give that sanctimonious Dr Laura hell. Hahahahahahah.

8-D

BTW.... due to the following belief, shared by Islamic fundamentalists as well:
Quote:
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean,


Shouldn't we make pigskin seat covers for all the seats on our airplanes, trains, busses etc so that no Islamic suicide bomber will ever want to sit there and blow themselves to smithereens? After all, if they would die "unclean", perhaps they will not want to blow up the conveyance with the pigskin seat covers under their suicidal butts? I think dying unclean would preclude consorting with those 72 virgins... and being unclean in the eyes of their version of god is supposed to be pretty bad news, right?

We should start a special airline just for us unbelievers who actually like pork... call it "Infidel Airlines" and serve bacon and eggs for breakfast, pork sloppy Joe's for lunch, and pork roast for dinner... and have a pot-bellied pig as a mascot on every flight. That should limit their attacks on such planes to the shoulder-mounted rocket launcher snipers stumbling around in fields near the airports. Hopefully with a little more effort we could manage to catch most of those using security guards and dogs...

Anyone in homeland security listening out there???
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