So what you know. I got this ticket once and signed it "not guilty."
The cop said: "you're supposed to plead at court."
Me: "Oooh. That sounds like you are advising me what to do."
Officer "well... yeah."
Me: "Sounds like you be giving leagal advise to me."
Officer: "Oh no. I'm not giving legal advise to you."
Me: "Too late. Should I plead at court or not?"
Officer:----------"here ya go. Thats your copy."
Me: "OK"
Now I go to court a year later on some other traffic charge and the judge wants to fine me for a "failure" to appear. I ask what he is talking about. He holds up the ticket.
Me: "It's some how is related to that?"
Judge: "Yes, you signed a prommise to appear and you did not. That creates a problem."
Me: "Who said I did not appear?"
J: "Well the appearance is not noted on the record."
Me: "So the body complaint of this "failure to appear" is a line that was not filled in on some docket? How do I argue against a blank? Oops sorry did not mean to ask you for legal advise. we already went down that road."
J: We do not give hearings with complaints on court defaults. Like when you get convicted and the DMV recinds your license for it. You don't get a hearing with the DMV to argue that the court was wrong."
Me: "So?".....
..... .... ..... "Again who said I defaulted? What did I default? Where is the record of default?"
J "You defaulted right here on this prommise to appear."
Me: "I failed to appear?"
J: "Were you here in this building on this date?"
Me: "No I was busy "SUCCEEDING" at "NOT SHOWING UP." See I was not trying to come to the court house so I could I fail at it. I was trying to not go... So I had no failure."
(Now he thinks he has me. He smiles realy big like just admitted everything was a joke... He never learns.)
J: OK. Well that maybe technically true but that is not how we do things around here. You got to appear on these."
Me: Who said I did not?"
J: "ME! I'm telling you, that you did not appear."
Me: "OOOOhhhhhh! OOOOOKAAAAAYY!" "Why did I need to appear on that date?"
J: "Last time then I am having the bailiff over there take you out of here. Understand?"
(Bailiff looks happier then when his dad let him procreate with his sister.

)
Me: -------------
J: "Good, Ok for the last time is this your signiture on this?"
Me: "Can I see it?"
J: "Oh! sure."
Bailiff hands me ticket (looking sad he has not been ordered to beat me up yet.)
Me: "No, this is not my signiture."
J: "Who's is it then?"
Me: "Are you serious?"
J: "Yes I am very serious." (Judge still has not looked at ticket.)
Me: "I can see that now. Here is my signiture. Go ahead and compare."
Judge now finaly looks at ticket upon its return
J: "You signed the ticket 'not guilty'?"
Me: "Nope. I pleaded not guilty on the ticket."
J: "Well that is not what your supposed to do."
Me: "I searched for a law saying I could not write 'not guilty' in that box and I could not find a law or statute preventing me."
J: "Ok well what does that have to do with not appearing."
Me: "Making a pleading and answer is an appearance."
J:---------------------------------------- (Starring at ticket).........."well a pleading has to be signed.
Me: "So everyone that went before me and pleaded orally are all guilty of failure to appear? Surely physical presence has nothing to do with appearing."
J: "Written pleadings must be."
Me: "well I signed the ticket with a mark at the bottom."
Judge looks at ticket again and notices big squigly line at bottom of the ticket."
Well I guess I will send this up to the DA's for reproccessing and mail you a court date.
Me: "And a copy of a formal complaint filed and proof of service that it was served on me before the statute of liitations ran on your charge. I pled not guilty which strips a court from proceeding on a ticket."
J: "Fine so what do you want to do about this ticket then (The current one.)?"
Me: "Well I can't plead not guilty in court to it. I can only do that to a formal complaint. I plead this court has no jurisdiction and is in want od authority to hear this matter."
J: "Lets get a prosecutor in here."
CASE DISMISSED BY FAILURE OF COURT TO SEND TRIAL DATE FOR NEW CASE WITH FORMAL COMPLAINT. I am not even sure if they ever made a jacket for that one.
